When I sit down and write, sometimes I find myself unable to do anything but just sit and stare at the screen. I see where the words should go, but my mind blanks as if the whiteness of the screen has penetrated into my neurons. A barrier to stop the firing of all the creative neurons that send out the signals to unleash the torrent of words.
I turn on music at this point, and close my eyes. I feel the beat of the song, the rhythm of the melody and harmony – how they contrast themselves at times, creating this euphoric moment, where the song bursts through my being, washing away the white. I open my eyes, and ideas dance through my head, the inspiration shifting into high gear. It’s time.
My fingers settle on the keys, and I write. The torrent of words tumble into being and the whiteness starts to fade as black letters envelop more and more of the screen. Images of my stories, my ideas flash across my mind, and my fingers struggle to stay on top of the waterfall.
Sometimes the droplets start to dry, and the waterfall recedes. The whiteness returns to the forefront, and once again I sit and think of how I should write. The music does little to inspire, and so I force my fingers to type the letters one at a time until the words slowly start to form on the screen. I jerk them out of my soul. Each rip jars through my mind, but I force each word down onto the keyboard. I will write, and I will not be defeated. I cannot. I cannot let those worries that my work isn’t good enough stop me. I cannot let the fear that I am terrible and not worth anything stop me. I cannot let the sour moments in my life that suck my energy away stop me. No matter how I feel, I must write. I must keep trying.
My goal in this life isn’t to just let life pass me by, but the temptation is great to just let go, to stop trying. I cannot allow this. I cannot be a bystander and let the words sit inside of me untouched. I must unleash them. Let them fly free into this world, so that others may read. And perhaps by sharing my stories, others will be inspired to unleash their own gifts, whatever they may be.